Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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