He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
