Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
