Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
