my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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