If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
