Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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