East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
