Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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