Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
