hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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