If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
