Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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