Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
