Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
