hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
