just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
