You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
