you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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