The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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