So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
