this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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