I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
