Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
