He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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