..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
