I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
