Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
