My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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