Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
