Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
