Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
