I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
