Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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