I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
