They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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