Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
is it fun? or sober?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
