dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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