I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
