Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
