I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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