I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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