My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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