the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
