once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
