Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
