Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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