Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
