Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
