i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
