I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
