you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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