I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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