we're blogging at a bar
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
