ya dads aren't the best wingmen
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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