i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize