So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
