It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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