He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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