I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
