So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
3pm strippers are depressing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
