Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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