If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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