I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
