Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
